Blessed Are We The Street Tuners

Ursula Curiosa

Note to my Beloved Reader:  I composed this parody of the Sermon on the Mount by Jesus Christ while locked up in a psychiatric detention center in Brookline, Massachusetts 02467 USA.  It is not cool to be locked up.  I’m out now.  A “Street Tuner” is anyone who works on a vehicle while not in a garage, such as while on one’s back in the street.  Metaphorically speaking, a Street Tuner is anyone trying to remake the world into a place that runs smoothly with power not problems.  Ready.  Set.  Go parody go:

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Now when we Street Tuners saw the crowd at the sideshows, we went up on an encrypted FM radio transmission and squatted the electromagnetic spectrum. Our Fellows tuned in to us, and we Street Tuners began to speak strictly with our Fellows.  We Street Tuners said:

“Blessed are we when short on cash, for ours is store credit at the parts spot.

“Blessed are we who mourn our incarcerated Fellows, for we will be comforted with roses constructed from toilet paper.

“Blessed are we when silent, for we will inherit so many finely-tuned vehicles.

“Blessed are we who hunger for speed and thirst for petroleum, for we will be filled up all the way past spilling over our gas-caps with integrated locking systems.

“Blessed are we merciful co-ordinated drivers, for we will be shown mercy in the foothills below the cemetery.

“Blessed are we peacemakers, for we will be called Children of God and Parents of Children of God, God-willing.  

“Blessed are we who are framed up due to living honorably, for our are lives, families, and after-lives of honor.

“Blessed are we when haters insult us, prosecute us and falsely bear witnesses in regard to all kinds of evil against us because of our being Street Tuners.

“Rejoice and be cold or comfy or hot—depending on the season—because great is our reward in the streets, for in no way do we disrespect those of us tuning in garages, for they protect our tools in the same way their tools were protected by the Ancestors who tuned before us.

“We are the salt of the Earth: show respect; get respect.  Over and out.”

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Image: Smashed radio, Vietnam War era.

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